


The Letter

by starflight16



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/M, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I is dead, Kidge - Freeform, Kidge is mine, Protect Keith, freaking OTP, haters can leave, i'm trash, this ship has corrupted me, this took too long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 13:47:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8716252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starflight16/pseuds/starflight16
Summary: Keith was left behind. He was left with nothing but sorrow as Pidge left him, she's only been dead for a short amount but it still hurts. He just misses her, he eventually leaves his room after a long time to go find her body and bring her home.This is one my favorite works I've ever done I hope you love it!





	

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment if you like it!

I laid on my bed with tears in my eyes, _she’s...gone_. I looked up at the window then at the small polaroid picture resting on my nightstand. My shaky hand picked up the small picture of a girl with short light brown hair and brilliant amber eyes with me standing next to her kissing her forehead. She was laughing and pulling on my shaggy black hair, my finger was tickling her cheek. There was such innocence in this picture, such...love. I was shaking again as I held the picture close to my heart, I couldn’t believe she was gone. I looked at the small green jacket resting on my bed next to my pillow, it still smelled like her.

She had tried to save everyone in that station, I had loved her everyday and I still will. I haven’t left my room in _days_. It was very late when I rose from my bed and put the picture in my pocket, pulled on my red jacket and left silently. I opened my door but I _still_ couldn’t stop shaking. I walked slowly down the hall but then when I came across her room I sped up until I was running on shaky legs. I ended up in the lounge where I saw Shiro, Hunk, and Allura. I didn’t bother wondering where Lance and Coran are because Allura stood up immediately and rushed over to me, she didn’t dare touch me though.

“K-Keith, are you feeling a little better?” Allura asks carefully and I just stare back, opening my mouth to say anything would be bad for me. I would definitely start to cry. Shiro came up to me and went to rest a hand on my shoulder but I shifted and hit his hand away from me. Being touched was not on my list of things I wanted right now.

“Is there anything we can do for you?” Shiro asked and Hunk was now interested in what was going on, he turned and watched us. Hunk stood up and opened his mouth to say something but I started to tune him out. I didn’t move and I could only stare, I didn’t want anything from _them_. I wanted Pidge back. I was halfway to tears until Allura gripped my arm tightly in her hand, I tried to yank my arm from her grasp but she wouldn’t let go. I was surprised as she dragged me to Pidge’s room, I fought against her with tears fresh in my eyes.

“You are going to want to see this,” Allura whispers as she pulls me along to the Green Paladin’s room and I felt a whimper escape my lips as she opens the door. It was cold and instead of hearing her normal hello, there was silence. Allura let me go and I slumped to the ground and when she tried to get me to my feet I remained where I was, scared to be on my feet. She shrugged and walked to the empty bed where a small piece of paper remained, she picked it up and brought it over to me.  
“Open it, she had written it awhile ago and planned to give it to you,” Allura told me and I took it with a trembling hand, I opened it and read her beautiful handwriting. Of course it wasn’t perfect and she tended to scribble her words together in a confusing mess, I suppose that’s what I loved most about her writing letters to me.

_**Keith,** _   
_**I know that our next mission is going to be scary, but it could be our last chance to completely destroy the Galra. I want you to know that I want you to be safe, I care too much about you to watch you slip away. When all this is over I want you to finally get the balls to kiss me for real. I can see your red face now, you only do those lame kisses on the forehead or the cheek. When we make it back and the Galra Empire is completely destroyed, let’s celebrate by you kissing me okay? Is that a deal? It better be. I love you so much, can’t wait for the celebration.** _   
_**Love,** _   
_**Pidge** _

I wanted to scream, I never got that letter. She never gave it to me, but I wanted to uphold the request and I probably never got it because she became to shy. I felt my fingers going numb so I gently folded the paper and put it in my pocket next to my picture. I didn’t let myself cry, I didn’t want to show anymore weakness. I began to shake over and over in rage and sorrow. Rage of not being able to save her, and sorrow because I couldn’t have upheld her request before she left.  
“Keith, I’m sorry. I want to go back to where Zarkon was defeated, I want to find her and give her a proper rest and help you become at peace with yourself too,” Allura murmured to me and rubbed my shoulder quietly, I looked up at her with tears falling freely down my face. I completely gave up on shielding my emotions.

“Take me with you,” I manage to get out as my voice cracks and she frowned silently before another shaky breath was torn from me, Allura was just like a big sister to me. She didn’t know exactly what it felt like but she was going to help me. She hugged me tightly and I finally let everything out in the middle of Pidge’s lifeless room. I knew that she would let me go with her because she whispers soothing things to me about finding Pidge. When I finally calmed down we headed toward the lounge again, Shiro looked really concerned and walked over to us. He sends a look that asked what happened.

“Don’t worry about it, we’re going to go and get Pidge from Zarkon’s old home,” Allura told Shiro calmly, at this time Coran and Lance showed up. I couldn’t cry or show emotion _at all_ now that Lance was here, he didn’t understand that I’m human and that I actually have emotions.

“You can’t go anywhere without the rest of Voltron though, so we have to go with you as well,” Shiro insisted, gripping Allura’s hand in his gently. She didn’t protest against the suggestion, neither did I. Lance made a joke that because of how protective Allura and Shiro are of me that they are my parents. I could see why that joke would be made. Allura told the rest of the crew what the game plan was so I left to my room. I carefully removed my letter from my pocket and open my nightstand drawer where all her other letters were, every night we would put letters under each other’s doors at midnight. I pulled out my favorite, the very first one.

**_Keith,_ **   
**_Hey, I just wanted to tell you something really important. I’ve been feeling this way for a long time and I don’t really know how else to say this because it’s really scary to see how you’ll react and I just wanted to tell you that I’ve been feeling something really weird for you. I wanted to tell you that I really really like you. Please don’t hate me for saying that because I can’t really help what I feel and I just wanted to let you know how I feel about everything. Let me know how you feel about this._ **   
**_From,_ **   
**_Pidge_ **

I felt myself start to laugh a little with tears falling freely down my face. She had gotten so nervous that her handwriting became too close together for me to read easily but I understood it better now because we’ve written back and forth over and over. She had drabbled on and on in that letter, I could imagine her flushed face and her nervous habit of chewing her lip. I wiped my tears off my cheeks only for more tears trace their way down my face. I put the letter back in the drawer along with the one I just got and shut it, if I find Pidge’s body I would tell her about the most recent one. That I got the message. I grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil, I sat down on my bed with Pidge’s jacket resting gently on my shoulder. From time to time I would lean toward it, shut my eyes, and sniff it: trying to imagine her wrapping her arms around my shoulders and leaning down to watch me.

**_Pidge,_ **   
**_I finally read your letter, I promise I’ll do it. If I find you I’ll kiss you and you’ll be so happy about it, I know you’re face will be red not mine. I just want the impossible, for you to still be alive and well. But I know there’s not a chance, there was never a chance. I will kiss you though, I want you happy more than anything in the whole universe. You mean the universe to me, I’m head over heels, absolutely crazy for you. You’re the only one who makes me expose my true feelings. The only one who doesn’t think it’s weird that I show emotion. I could never ask for anyone else. Please come back to me, I need you with me. I love you, always and forever._ **   
**_Love,_ **   
**_Keith_ **

I don’t usually write something like that, Pidge usually does. Of course I’m going to write something all sappy and sad after she’s been dead. I folded the finished letter before placing it in my pocket, I take out that picture of us and look at it. I hold onto her jacket tightly and bring it close to my face, my tears soaking the jacket not for the first time. I can’t stop staring at picture, I missed her _so much_. I just want her back, I don’t want to have to keep smelling her jacket. I want to _feel_ her warmth and know she’ll hold me as long as I hold her. I knew it was getting late so I stood from my bed on shaky legs and put the picture back in my pocket, we would be heading out tomorrow. I cradled her jacket one last time, shut my eyes once more and took one last breath in of her scent. I set her jacket in the safety between the wall and beside my pillow. I took my jacket off and threw it gently so it landed next to my nightstand then pulled my shoes off and went to go to bed. I was exhausted and I needed every bit of strength to go back to that place. I grabbed her jacket and held it close to my body, burying my nose in the material. It was all I had left of her, I haven’t gone in that room very much after what happened. Once right after she died, the second was when Allura dragged me in there. It physically hurt me to go in there and listen to that silence, that lifelessness. I shut my eyes tightly, half an hour turned into an hour but eventually I finally managed to sleep. I wish I hadn’t.  
\-----  
The giant craft was tilting at sickening angles, I leaned heavily against a wall with Pidge close by. We were in a hall holding off Galra while Shiro and Allura confronted Zarkon, when all the sudden the ship was tilting. I shut my eyes tightly to ensure I don’t freak out or get sick, that would only worsen what’s already happening. I opened my eyes when some of the tilting stopped, Pidge had actually gotten sick. I couldn’t blame her since I had come so close to losing my own food, I reached out and grabbed her hand gently. She turned around and smiled at me despite having gotten sick, I pulled her close against me as I looked around. We couldn’t let our guard down, then a rattling shake passed around us. The top of the structure threatened to cave in, Pidge looked up and I did as well. One of the lions was right overhead, a hole was put into the ceiling and I saw a hint of blue. As it leaped off of where it had been the power from Blue’s legs caved the ceiling in further, it would break and we were right under it. I took in the fact that the Galra had left the area and most likely the ship itself.

“Come on Pidge,” I said trying to pull her away from the dented area but she wouldn’t move. I was confused until I turned to where I had wanted to go, our lions were blocked off from us by a massive amount of debris. There was no getting through there.

“Keith, I don’t know what we should do. There are no air vents in this section,” She reminded me and I nodded, I saw the hall behind her was open. I point behind her small form and she turns. She didn’t like the idea of having to go all the way around the giant ship. Despite her crestfallen expression, we started running. Then the wall caved in again, I was towing Pidge along behind me but she was keeping good pace. I had a tight grip on her hand as we ran, but that tight grip was loosened as a heavy air shaft fell on our connected arms. I cried out in pain and fear, she was on the other side and I needed to get to her. We never let go of each other.

“P-Pidge, please tell me you’re okay,” I call out, there was silence at first then a small cough. I let the breath I was holding out, she was okay.

“Yeah I’m fine, my arm just hurts,” Pidge replies then I knew we had to move. Of course I couldn’t activate my Bayard because the arm I used to activate it is trapped. I was wearing my Paladin suit so I couldn’t use my dagger either. I needed to get these vents off. The ship was shaking again as the battle raged on in space, I was desperate now as I tried to pry the vents away. I would never let Pidge’s hand go, but then I heard a terrified scream.

“Pidge? Pidge? Pidge are you there?” That scream sounded too much like the Green Paladin, “please tell me you’re still okay,” I heard her draw in a breath to say something to me but then I heard more vents falling on the other side.  
“Kei-” I heard her begin to say but soon silence enveloped me except for the screaming sirens on the ship. I still felt her hand clasped onto mine, I felt her hand loosen just enough for me to understand she was gone. I didn’t let go as I began to cry, I started to scream at her.

“Pidge! Wake up, come back! Don’t leave me here!” I screamed, I guess in all the moving my comms were turned on. I was screaming directly at the remaining Paladins, Coran, and Allura. I didn’t care who heard me, everything began to blur around me as I saw the Black Lion land nearby in the ship. Shiro hopped out and pushed up on the vents, I saw Allura’s face. She was pulling me away from Pidge, I was a screaming mess. I was fighting against Allura, soon Shiro had to help. I was being torn from Pidge, I couldn’t let that happen. My voice was hoarse from endless screaming. I had slept in Pidge’s room that night, cold was all I felt. I took her jacket from the floor, I left and went to my room. That was the only time anyone saw me for the next week and a half.  
\-----  
I sat up quickly with tears in my eyes. I had that dream almost every night, she always died. On the nights I didn’t it would be a twisted version of her dying. I relived it over and over every single night. I held her jacket tighter, wanting it to turn into her hugging me. I just want this all to end up being one giant nightmare.

“Pidge come back, I’m so sorry,” I whispered but I didn’t feel her warmth, I couldn’t imagine she was here. Instead of getting a letter every night I get a nightmare. I never get her back, she never appears. I wanted to hang on to the potential that she would some day appear in my room, laughing at me. I just want her here, I just want her to be safe, I just want her to be _alive_. I stood up from my bed, unable to stop shaking for awhile. I rested the jacket in the same place I had whenever I would move around my room. I set it gently next to my pillow and wall, I picked up my jacket and made sure the letter was with me. I would place it in Red so I could give it to her. I held it tightly before putting it in the safety of my pocket, I put on my shoes and left my room. Suddenly it felt a lot colder than before.

I walked out toward the lounge where I sat silently listening to the rest of the Paladins talk, I wasn’t interested enough in whatever was being discussed to jump in. Everyone seemed to respect my distance and didn’t press me to talk, not even Lance tried anything. I was grateful because I didn’t feel like shedding anymore tears on the matter. When we arrived I felt myself get close to the breaking point but backed off at the last second, I needed to be stronger. I put my Paladin suit on and headed to the hanger where Red was waiting, I launched into space with one goal. Finding Pidge and giving her the letter and promise. I flew straight ahead and landed in an open, empty, cold landing bay. The remaining lions excluding Pidge’s landed as well, I stepped out of Red with my letter in hand and saw the princess landed her ship as well. I was glad the ship was empty, Zarkon had been defeated. The ship was left behind however as a hollow tomb.

“Which way was it?” Shiro asked, I pointed toward the ship’s only door from here to inside with my throat hurting. It took every overriding instinct to not let myself cry. I followed Shiro and kept pointing toward the direction where the cave in had happened. I felt myself choke up as we came across the vents, my legs gave out from under me. Allura kneeled down next to me and rubbed my shoulder gently, I felt so numb as Shiro and the rest started to move the vents. I tried to stand but my legs wouldn’t let me, I was frozen in place. A sob was torn from my body when I saw her hand, they would be finding her soon.

“Shh, it’s okay Keith,” I heard Allura whisper to me. She took my hand in her’s and led me forward as the rest of Pidge’s still body was revealed. I took her hand in mine, I dragged her the rest of the way out. I held her close to my body, she was so cold. I radiate warmth in comparison to her, I felt tears racing down my face. Shiro and Allura helped me stand and walk back with Pidge cradled in the warmth of my arms. I was shaking as I took her into Red, I told the rest of the team I needed time for now. I laid her down on the ground as gently as possible and handed her the letter.

“Hey,” I croaked out my voice shaking as I opened her hand and fit the small paper in her palm, “I wrote back, finally. I miss you Pidge, but I made a promise in that letter. I plan to keep it.”

She seemed to twitch but I didn’t bother with it and leaned down, I kissed her light blue lips gently. I was imagining things again, and pulled back before removing her helmet. _There is no way she moved_ , I told myself. I ran my hand through her brown hair that she had been trying to grow out again, I laid down next to her and curled around her protectively. I buried my face in her hair as tears fall down my face, I was drowning in her scent. I missed her, I just want her to respond to my touch like she used to. She used to smile so much whenever I held her hand or when I kissed her forehead, she was always happy. I don’t know how long I was lying there, sobbing quietly in the dark until I heard footsteps.

“Keith, we have to go,” I heard Hunk’s voice tell me. I didn’t dare move from how I was, I didn’t want to leave Pidge again, “come on, get up please,” Hunk used a softer voice as if trying to calm a wild animal. In some sense I suppose I was at the moment. I sat up and looked at the rest of the Paladins, Hunk had been the only one talking. Lance actually showed pity in his gaze for me, Hunk looked so sad to see me like this, Shiro was just absolutely heartbroken at my state. I would not move from her body at this point.

“Come on, get in your seat,” Shiro said and helped me into my seat at Red’s helm. I had Pidge’s body resting limply along my lap as I began to grab my controls, “we’ll see you back on board.”

I nod and wait until they leave, I activate my Lion and we launch into the sky again. I fly to my hanger where I landed Red and took Pidge out with me. I headed out to the lounge, Shiro was there but I didn’t dare let myself cry anymore. I laid her down across my lap where I kept stroking her hair, I had her with me finally. Allura rested a hand on my shoulder, then suddenly she gasped and jumped back. She acted as if she had been shocked by electricity, I gave her a confused yet cold gaze.  
“She’s not dead Keith,” Allura whispered, I shake my head. There was no way that was possible, she had gone still that day. I knew she was dead, if there was ever a chance she was alive I didn’t believe it. It’s been a week and a half, no way. I glared at Allura as tears stung my eyes at the very thought of Pidge being alive and well.

“Prove it,” I hissed, if she was right I don’t know how I’ll react. I love Pidge and if Allura was screwing with my head...I shake my head at the thought. There’s no way Allura would lie to me or get my hopes up like that. I was still shifty about what was happening, I saw Shiro enter my field of vision.

“Is it okay if we take Pidge?” Shiro asks quietly, I stare at him like the answer is beyond obvious. Lance walked over and went to sit next to me, my head snapped in his direction. He immediately scoots away but speaks anyway.  
“If there is a chance that she’s alive, don’t you want to see? I mean you care so much so why aren’t you giving Pidge to them? Go ahead and do it already or there won’t be a chance for her to be saved,” Lance encouraged but I still wouldn’t move. He was breaking in but I still wouldn’t listen.

“Keith, please do it. For her sake,” Hunk said from behind me, I frowned not letting tears form in my eyes. I wouldn’t look at them now. I was scared what they would say, I know they would never let me live down the fact I was beginning to cry again.  
Allura gently touched my arm and I turned to meet her eyes, Shiro was close by and laced his fingers with her’s. I felt myself give in at the sight of something I could possibly feel again. I stood up and faced them with tears falling down my cheeks,  
“Take her please, I want to know if she’s really alive,” I whisper in a shaky voice, Shiro smiled sympathetically at me. He rested a hand on my upper arm.

“You don’t have to let her go just yet, follow Allura,” Shiro told me and I followed Allura and Shiro to where all the healing pods are. I looked over at Allura who removed my helmet and looked down at Pidge’s serene face.

“What happens now?” I ask in a quiet, broken voice. I need to stop talking so much, I sound pathetic. I looked down at the most important person to me, I want her to wake up.

“We put her in a pod for a couple days,” Allura answered and I nodded, I put her gently in the pod after I take the letter out of her hand.

“H-How did she survive?” I ask and Coran answers me as he activates the chamber that would heal Pidge,  
“I would say that the vents barely missed her vital areas, she broke her legs and because of the frigidness of the space station she must've been somewhat preserved. The cold also would’ve made her very cold to the touch, almost like she was dead. Pidge was extremely lucky to squeeze by with broken legs and a concussion to her head and maybe some other broken bones,” Coran informed me, under normal circumstances he probably would’ve made some kind of joke. He knew if he even _tried_ to make a joke, I would not be the kindest person.

“You should rest, a lot has happened,” Allura suggested, I nodded and only left to get out of my Paladin suit. I got dressed back into my usual attire, and headed back to Pidge’s pod. I laid down next to the opening, I began to dream a dreamless sleep for once.

When I woke up I had a blanket over my body, I rubbed my eyes and stretched. I didn’t bother wondering who put it on me, I stood and walked down to the dining hall where Hunk was making some food. I felt my stomach growl, I hadn’t eaten properly in a long time. Hunk smiled at me but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t return the smile back to him, I did nod however. I sat down and he brought over that weird green goo. I ate it very slowly, I knew that if I ate too quickly I would most likely throw it all back up.

“Hey Keith, you feeling a little better?” I heard Shiro’s voice from my left and I turned to see him approaching me. I nodded slightly, I couldn’t help but wonder why he’s asking me now. I had Pidge now, I was doing better: a lot better.

“Yeah,” I hear my voice crack again, I mentally curse at myself for my voice cracking _again_. I look back down at my food and put another spoonful of food into my mouth, I was just waiting for her. Waiting for her to come back to me. The only thing I was scared of was how would I react and if she didn’t wake at all.

“That’s really good, I’m glad you’re actually eating something,” I shrugged slightly and finished my food. I thanked Hunk for the food then headed back to my room, I ran into Lance on the way.

“Hey mullet!” Lance laughed, I merely glared before I kept walking. Lance ran and jumped in front of me, I growled in annoyance.  
“Move it,” I snapped, my voice still sounded weak. I wasn’t in the mood for Lance to mess with me right now. I had to get Pidge’s jacket and put the letter on my nightstand.

“Okay okay! Jeez calm down, I just wanted to talk you about something,” Lance said and I only sighed loudly, telling him to keep talking. He probably also got the message my patience is going to be paper thin.

“What is it, make it quick,” I growled and he nodded quickly.

“Okay so why do you love Pidge so much?” He asks and I frown at him, what kind of question was this?

“I love her because she’s the only one who understands me. She’s the only one who I trust my true self with, she’s special and I fell for her. I haven’t gotten back up, I won’t ever get back up from falling for her,” I told him, I began to step around him but he puts his arm out to block my exit.

“Really? Why did you write letters to each other?” He questions, my patience is gone and I slapped his arm away. I wasn’t going to deal with his crap right now.

“Hey!” He shouted and I shot a glare that made him freeze as he tried to go after me, I walked down the hall to my room. We wrote letters because it was a way to show weakness and trust. The weakness is writing down what we were feeling, what was happening inside. The trust came when we held onto the letters, if we didn’t trust each other with our thoughts we would burn the letters. We wouldn’t even write letters. It was something no one will ever understand at this point, only Pidge and I understood. We wrote back and forth also because the way we became boyfriend and girlfriend was from a letter at midnight, under my door, written by Pidge. I walked into my room and set my letter down on my nightstand, I grabbed her small green jacket and felt my legs give out from under me. The weight of everything that just happened fell on me like a million bricks. I breathed in her scent again, knowing I’ll feel her warmth again. I begin to shake again, I was alone and I knew I could let everything out.

“I’ll be there when you wake up,” I whisper into her jacket, “I’ll be the first person you’ll see,” I promised to nothing. I felt like I was crazy but I couldn’t really help what I did at this point. I was exhausted and it was only just morning, at least I think it is. I could never tell when the days changed until I asked Allura or Coran. I just figured I was in my room for about a week or two based on where we were in orbit at the time, we hadn’t left that system since Pidge was said to have died. I felt weak, soon everything was spinning then I just collapsed on my side. I breathed in her scent before losing focus.

I opened my eyes and stood with her jacket in my arms, I took my letter and put it in my pocket. I walked out to where Pidge would be, my blanket was still on the ground. I didn’t dare move it, I set her jacket down on top of it and head to where Allura controlled the ship. Normally Shiro was there with her or on the training deck, I know Coran was with Allura. I walked out there to see Allura look at me with complete concern.

“Keith are you sure you’re feeling okay? You don’t look so good,” Allura asked me and I looked down at my hands, I saw they looked frail and my bones were more defined against my skin. I’m assuming the rest of my body doesn’t look much better. I almost asked what I look like but then decided it wasn’t worth it.

“I don’t know,” I mutter, I guess I hadn’t been eating correctly. Not to mention the fact that I didn’t leave my room for the longest time.

“Keith you need more in your stomach! Go eat something for crying out loud!” She cried I looked down at myself, I suppose some part of me was hoping I would end up like this. Some sick part of me was hoping I would eventually die and join her, I hadn’t even realized my state. I pressed my hand to my ribs and felt all of them, when was the last time I actually ate something really filling?

“Come on! I’m making you eat something,” Allura commanded and took me by the arm, she led me straight to the dining hall. She made me sit down and basically spoon fed me the green food. Just as Allura finished making me eat Coran ran into the room.

“Keith! She’s going to wake up soon,” as soon as I heard wake I was already on my feet and running down to the pods. To my disappointment she still wasn’t awake so I laid down on the blanket that was next to her pod. I drifted asleep again, I kept doing this and it was actually getting pretty annoying at this point. When I woke up for the tenth time in the last two or three days...maybe more? I don’t know what day it is. I looked up and saw her pod was raised, that means she would be coming out soon. I sat there in front of her pod on the blanket down the steps. I waited, and waited. Then the noise came, the screen disappeared and I was shaking already. She took a slow step forward with her eyes still closed, I jumped to my feet and caught her before she could fall. I dropped to the ground with sobs being torn from my throat, she was actually _alive_. I wasn’t dreaming this time, I wasn’t wishing anymore because she was right here. I held her tightly, afraid she would disappear in my arms. I then pressed my ear to her chest, through her armor I heard her heart against my ear. I sat back up and rested my head on her’s, I knew I wasn’t dreaming.

“Pidge, Pidge…” I just kept repeating her name with my tears falling onto her soft hair, I was shaking so uncontrollably. I pulled my hand through her hair over and over trying to reassure myself I wasn’t dreaming. I heard a small noise from her, if I wasn’t already sitting I would’ve collapsed.

“K-Keith,” Pidge whispered against my chest, I was still shaking and I couldn’t believe I was holding her while she was alive.  
“I’m here, I swear Pidge I’m right here. I won’t leave you alone again like that,” I promised. We remained there for a long time, my sobs being pulled from my throat while she gently breathed. She finally got the strength to look up and place her hand against my cheek. My tears wouldn’t stop falling and I saw tears in her eyes too. I may have thought she was dead but she had felt like I had left her forever to die. We were both so frail and broken in each other’s arms, sobs were the only noise shared between us.

“I missed you,” I whispered to the smaller Paladin, she was smiling now. I didn’t understand why except maybe it was because we were back together.

“I missed you too, I knew you would come back for me in time. I just had to wait for you, and unlike you I actually have patience,” she whispered and I found myself laughing through the tears. I can’t believe she was making jokes after everything that just happened. After she literally _just_ came out of being healed. Just like a lightning strike I remembered the letter, I picked it up with a quivering hand and gave it to her.

“Read it,” I muttered and she smiled again before opening it. I knew why we hadn’t seen any other members of the crew so far, they knew we needed time. I still couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that I was actually with her and she was breathing. She was actually with me now, when she finished reading a large smile spread on her face. Her face was a bright red, she was waiting for me to finally keep my promise.

“I love you Pidge, don’t leave me again,” I beg and she nodded slowly. We’ve been together for a long time, in Earth time we would be around about nine months at this point. This would be our first real kiss, her responding to my touch this time. I touched my forehead to her’s, happiness was finally in our hearts. I had thought she was dead for only a week or so but it still had hurt worse than any injury I had ever gotten. I tilted my head forward and for the first time ever, we kissed. Right outside of her pod on the blanket, tears in our eyes, broken bodies. At our weakest point we connected on a special level in that moment. We pulled apart eventually, I rested my hand gently on her cheek and we sat there in sweet silence.

“I love you too Keith, I’ll never leave again if I can help it. I’ll stay with you, you’re kinda stuck with me at the moment,” she told me and met my eyes with her own, I slid my hand through her hair. I loved her hair so much especially now that she was growing it out again. I had finally stopped shaking so much, I reached behind me and grabbed her jacket. I handed it to her and she smiled at me, she brought the jacket up to her nose and laughed.

“It smells kinda like you,” she told me and I felt a smile grow on my face.

“The whole reason I took it was because I was holding on to you. I wanted to keep you close even when you were gone. It was kind of like my anchor to keep me sane,” I told the small girl and her smile dropped only slightly.  
“I’m so sorry,” she whispers but I was already shaking my head at her. I was the one who needed to say sorry. I had left her, I had convinced myself she died.

“ _I’m_ sorry Pidge, I don’t want you to apologize for something you couldn’t help,” I said and she started to frown at me.  
“You can’t do it either. You just apologized for something you literally couldn’t help or change,” she reminds me and I find myself smiling at her. I pulled the picture of us out of my pocket and handed it to her.

“I’ve been holding onto this for awhile now, I think it’s about time I gave it back,” I told her. I had stolen that picture from her about a month or two ago. She had been the one who took the picture on a really old camera saying: it’s more special now that it looks old.

“No, I think you should keep it. We can take another and I’ll keep that one,” Pidge said shaking her head after a minute, I smiled and hugged her again. I was actually really glad she let me keep it.

“Let’s go talk to the others,” I suggest after a comfortable silence between us. I helped her stand and we headed out. I stumbled slightly but still supported Pidge, we must’ve been some sight to see. Puffy red eyes from crying, more bones than muscle, leaning on each other.

“Pidge!” Hunk called out, Shiro turned and looked at us with a smile. He was holding Allura’s hand and Allura smiled so big, she really missed Pidge. Lance cracked a small smile but turned away. I limped over to Shiro and Allura, Hunk looked a little shocked at Pidge in the state she’s in. She hasn’t eaten at all but she had been frozen for quite awhile so she looked pretty similar to me. I held her close at my side and nuzzled my face into her hair, I was so glad she was okay.

“Pidge is alive?” Coran cried out from behind a console board, he popped his head up from behind it. I found myself laughing at him as he sprinted over and stood next to Shiro.

“Yeah, you guys missed me this much?” She asks and then suddenly everyone started talking at once, I found myself shouting as well. I only picked up a few things from the madness.

“Of course!”

“Are you crazy!?”

“You know I missed you!”

“Don’t kid yourself number five!” (Reference to when Coran remembered Paladins by height)

“You’re joking right?!”

Pidge just smiled and started to laugh, I even saw small tears in her eyes. She hadn’t thought she was loved that much. I laced my fingers with her’s and I felt the warmth of her hand. I still couldn’t imagine the feeling of her not being here again, I didn’t want to remember that ever again. We walked back to her room with Allura and Shiro, Allura was going to spend time with her. Shiro followed me back to my room, he stood outside my door.

“Are you waiting for an invitation?” I asked as I swept into my room and went to finally clean my room. I hadn’t cleaned it in a long time.

“I-I guess so,” Shiro replied but then walked in after hesitating.

“Can I help you?” I asked as he crossed to my bed and sat down.

“Yeah, are you really sure that you’re doing okay? This is a lot to take in,” Shiro asked and I sighed, I shut my eyes for a second and I nodded silently, “you don’t look very okay, just try to eat something to help put Pidge at ease.”

“I will, I didn’t mean for everything to happen. I didn’t mean to not eat, I didn’t mean to lock myself away, I didn’t-” I was cut off when I felt a strong hand on my shoulder. I turned around and Shiro met my eyes, I hadn’t even realized my voice was shaking again. His arms were around me in an instant and I was crying again, I felt at peace as I start to say random things. I began to express everything that had hid behind my silence, _everything_ was pouring out. Self-doubt, wondering why I didn’t have a real home, the reason behind my rage, the reason for my cold exterior, why Pidge really meant so much to me. Shiro was there for me when I didn’t have anyone else, he basically raised me. He understood me. I was so broken, I had thought I lost the most important person to me, the only girl who understood me and let me be me.

“I’m sorry Keith. You’re only sixteen, you shouldn’t have this put on you. I wish you knew your parents, I wish I could’ve been a better father-figure,” Shiro muttered to me and I felt so shattered in that moment, I wanted to see Pidge again but not like this. I was so weak.

“I just don’t want her to see me like this,” I whisper, “she was the one who almost died, not me. I want her to be happy again, that can’t happen when I’m crying,” I told him as I began to calm down.

“She’ll understand, just stay with her. I’m sure she’ll be fine with you being really upset, if anything you were hurt more. Go see her,” Shiro suggested, I nodded. I wiped my tears away and breathed normally, I hated showing emotion. But I guess I need to do it more often.

“Okay, thank you,” I say, I cracked a small smile. I stepped away then began to walk down to Pidge’s room. I knocked slowly on her door, I heard Allura stop talking. The door slid open and Allura smiled at me.

“If you need me Pidge, I’ll be in the dining hall,” Allura said without turning around, I smiled slightly at her in thanks.

“Keith?” Pidge said when Allura left, I smiled slightly. Her room was dimly lit but I saw concern on her face, “come in.”

I stepped inside and sat down next to her, she looked so sad. I could guess what she was thinking when she saw me outlined in her doorway. I frowned at her as she traced her hand along the bones that stuck out on my face. Her other hand was on mine, rubbing her thumb across the back of my hand, “What’s wrong Pidge?”

“Why did you do this to yourself?” She whispers and I looked away from her, I couldn’t face her now. I was ashamed of myself, “Keith look at me please,” I looked up reluctantly and met her eyes.

“I couldn’t deal with you being gone,” I reply in a small voice, “I didn’t realize what was happening to me until it was too late. I only realized I was weak, alone, and cold. Somewhere along the way I guess I lost the will to live,” I told her and something in her eyes broke.

“Please don’t ever do that again, don’t do it. I want you to be here,” Pidge said through the tears that fell from her bright amber eyes. I hugged her tightly, I swore to her I wouldn’t do it again. That day I remained by her side, and when night fell I went to my room. It was her turn to write the first letter. I watched midnight hit and I felt my lips quirk up in a smile, I heard the familiar shuffle of her footsteps and the sound of the letter sliding under my door. I walked across my room and grabbed the letter.

**_Keith,_ **   
**_Hey, I’m so sorry for what happened. I just want you to be healthy again, please try. I’ve been feeling so guilty since waking up I literally left you alone. I only want the best for you and I was so afraid of what I saw when I woke up, the bones sticking out everywhere on you. I’m so sorry, please forgive me for what happened. I have one last request, please come over to my room. I love you._ **   
**_Love,_ **   
**_Pidge_ **

I felt a smile cross my lips, I was obsessed with her handwriting. I stood up and walked quietly down the hall, Lance stepped out of his room and intercepted me. I glared at him, I was _not_ in the mood for his questions or him in general.

“Keith, I actually want to talk to you about something,” Lance said, the look in his eye told me he was serious. I sighed and gestured for him to keep talking, “why do you hate me so much?”

I was taken aback at first, I didn’t let it show however. “I don’t _actually_ hate you, in fact you were the one who instigated this,” I put air quotes around the last word, “rivalry.”

“Well, aren’t we rivals?” He asks, I merely sigh and shake my head.

“No idiot, in fact it’s very one sided. You’re always competing with me, I don’t really like it and I feel like we could actually be friends. Just stop it with the whole: I’m going to beat Keith and win at everything! I don’t exactly think it’s fun to have to keep getting annoyed at you. Mainly because you keep making me screw up any test Allura puts out for us,” I explained, I saw him smile just slightly.

“Friends then? No more hating each other?” Lance asked and I laughed a little, holding out my hand.

“Friends,” I reply and he grasped my hand. I shrugged slightly then I walked toward Pidge’s room. I knocked gently on her door, the door slid open quietly and there she was. She rushed into my arms, I rested my head on her’s. When we stepped apart Pidge led me into the dark room. She was wearing an oversized gray shirt, I smiled when I realized it was mine. She wore large basketball shorts as well, her hair was messy. She sat down on her bed and I sat next to her.

“Can you do me a favor?” Pidge asks and I shrug as I held her hand in mine. She flinched slightly at the bones sticking out in my hand, I almost let go but she squeezes my hand.

“Sure, depends I suppose,” I admit and she nods, she had been expecting that response.

“Stay with me tonight,” Pidge says, “that’s what I was talking about in the letter.”

She was blunt and I was taken aback, I wasn’t expecting that. I nodded anyway, “Sure, I would love to stay with you,” she smiled at me and crawled under the covers, I laid next to her. I wrapped my body around her small form protectively, if anything happened she would be protected. I laid my arm across her side and laced my hand with her’s. I kissed her gently on her neck, I felt her tense slightly but she didn’t move. I tug on her shoulder so she turns over to face me. I kiss her gently on the lips with tears in my eyes, when we pull away I smile at her. Her eyes were full of tears too.

“I’ll always stay here, this is home to me,” I whisper, if I spoke any louder I would break this quiet haven. Her tears were racing down her face now.

“That means so much,” Pidge whispers back, “I’m glad I made a home for you.” I held her close to me, I didn’t want to let go of her.

 

**_Pidge,_ **   
**_You’ve always made me happy. I want you to be happy too, so move in with me. I want you to live with me, you always get nightmares now. You actually told me I chase away your nightmares just by being there, I want to fix your nightmares. I’ll be waiting for you. I love you._ **   
**_Love,_ **   
**_Keith_ **

I finished writing my letter back after she came back only a couple days ago. Every night after that one night I have stayed with her. Today was the only the second time I haven’t gone over there, I wanted to make that change. I walked down to her room and slid the letter underneath her door. I waited outside her door then heard her grab the letter, I still remained there. I counted down silently before I heard her run and the door slid open, she ran straight into me. I stumbled but caught myself at the last second.

“Keith? Please tell me you aren’t joking,” Pidge asks and I smile.

“I’m not joking, come on,” I say and she smiled at me, she followed me to my room. We were both healthier, my hands were still frail but at least it wasn’t as bad. We were finally recovering, we were already safe again. I intertwined our fingers as we laid down on my bed, I saw my letter was still in her hand. I smile at myself and then fall asleep.

 

_I was home._


End file.
